It was only a dream - The Vault of Horror (1973)

What a nightmare; you get stuck in a lift and have nothing to say to the strangers stuck in there with you. That doesn't happen here though. In this modern time of such dream inspired films as The Matrix and Inception, I thought I'd get back to basics, in a typical 1970's England kind of way. Five men walk in to a lift and step out on a floor they didn't know existed. With no way of getting back in once the doors mysteriously shut behind them they make themselves comfortable around a lavish table with some drinkies. They set about discussing their nightmares to pass the time...

Harold starts off by confessing he is haunted be a reoccurring dream. The film goes in to subtitle with Midnight Mess. Here Harold's dream alter ego is a dodgy character. He kills a man after getting information from him regarding the whereabouts of his sister. He tracks her down to a small town where he is advised not to stay out after dark. At her house he shoots his sister and makes his way calmly to a restaurant where he is served a starter of soup made of blood. In disgust he realises he is surrounded by Vampires with teeth that look like they're bits of Polo sticking out their mouths. (I know it is Polo as I've done this myself.) They then hang him upside down and drain him with a tap from the neck. He tells the other men that this is not like him at all; he doesn't even have a sister!

Now it's Arthur's turn. In his dream he is married to a loving wife but he is obsessively tidy. Everything has to be in it's correct place (sounds like me again). The contents of the cupboards are listed on the doors and heaven forbid anything is spilled on the carpet. After being chastised one too many times his wife snaps and murders him with an axe. But she is tidy about it. She sorts his body parts in to little labeled jars. Well that's English suburban housewives for you, they always come through in the end.

The rest of the men continue to discuss the nightmares that all detail their untimely demise. One man is strangled by a rope charmer's rope after he kills her to steal her act. Another fakes his own death, going so far as being buried and is then accidentally decapitated when dug up.

This is essentially a tale of what goes around comes around. What ever you do now will eventually come back to bite you. You can't even escape it in your dreams. Maybe our dreams are reflections of our real selves or maybe they mean nothing at all. But I think if we've learned anything tonight it's that I am a Polo abusing, obsessive compulsive. Oh, but it's only a dream though, isn't it...? Isn't it...?! Mwa ha ha haaah.

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